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It is definitely true that every individual loves in his or her own way. What did studies show; who loves more: men or women? And which differences stated a well-known psychologist Brehm in his overview of studies? Let us start at the beginning.
When a male psychotherapist told his client to go home and show his wife he loves her, he washed her car. Does this mean that he does not love her enough, or he shows his love in a different way? There are many studies on differences in the emotional expression of men and women. Brehm has therefore made an overview of all the studies and stated the following differences.
Difference between genders 1: Who loves more?
Research showed women love their partners as deeply as they love them. The only difference is that they show a stronger tendency to respect their partners.
Difference between genders 2: Who falls in love more often and more deeply?
Men fall in love at first sight as often as women (54 per cent of women and 63 per cent of men believe in love at first sight). Women fall in love more often and they also speak more about their feelings, which are mostly of a euphoric nature. They are ready to get married sooner and they idealize their partners more in comparison with men. If partners do no return love, they often believe love is worth doing anything.
Difference between genders 3: Who is more romantic and more (un)realistic?
It is interesting that the results of research showed men are more romantic. Today, more than 80 per cent of men and women in the USA believe love is the basic condition for marriage. This was also achieved by the changes in the position of women in the society, where economic independence is the most important change for women. A need for marrying someone merely for financial purposes does not exist anymore.
Men fall in love faster at the beginning of a relationship (almost 25 per cent of men fall in love before having the fourth date, while this applies only to 15 per cent of women). 50 per cent of women even said they needed about 20 dates before they could decide whether they were in love.
There are also some signs which show that men presumably suffer more when breaking up with their partners, but in this case it should be emphasized that people differ among themselves and the state after a break-up is more dependent on the type of someone’s personality. It is however true that after an unsuccessful relationship three times more men commit suicide, compared to women.
Research also demonstrated men are more naive and they more often believe in romantic delusions, such as: “a person truly loves only once”, “the greatest happiness is true love”, “love overcomes all obstacles”. Women are more prudent in experiencing strong emotions of love due to social and economic reality, and they are therefore more careful when falling in love with, and getting married to, someone.
Difference between genders 4: Who gives more?
Women probably answered the question immediately: We do! Well, studies do not confirm that. Men and women are differently raised and they therefore express their concerns differently. Women are expected to take the responsibility for the partner’s feelings and to take care of the relationship and children, while men are required to take the responsibility for the safety of the partner, and in case of marriage, to take care of financial well-being. Indeed, the differences between genders are less distinctive today, but they are still present in the definitions and expectations of love.
Difference between genders 5: Who needs more closeness?
A need for closeness, intimacy and affection can quickly turn into an addiction, which is an ideal basis for people to remain in a destructive relationship or keep returning to it and thus repeat the patterns gained in the primary family.
It is also wrong to equate sexuality with intimacy, which is often done by women, because of which they are, as a rule, less happy in a romantic relationship than men. After sexual intercourse, they feel empty and sad because their partners often turn their backs to them and go to sleep, instead of enjoying themselves while exchanging intimate thoughts.
Intimacy is therefore more important to women than men as in general women say more about themselves and their emotions, and they open themselves more, very early in a relationship because they build it in such a way. Men, on the other hand, fulfill a need for intimacy by a mere physical presence and they therefore find any sort of “babbling” too much.
Fear of intimacy is equally expressed in both sexes, which is the consequence of previous rejections when opening to their partners. It is of key importance that balance is maintained between what you give and what you receive. Research show that in such a way you please each other more and, at the same time, you protect yourselves against potential disappointment if the relationship does not develop into the direction desired.
Difference between genders 6: What do women find important and what is important for men?
Men find more important the activities such as washing the dishes or taking children to school, in comparison with expressing emotions (kissing the partner). Women are of the opposite opinion; although these activities are helpful, there are no emotions in them.
Women find closeness in conversation, while men find it in joint cooperation in various activities. You can therefore hear a lot of times complaining in the sense of “she only wants to talk.” Women find the relationships with parents and people in general more important, compared to men.
For women, the partner’s fidelity and the ability to provide for the family financially are important, while men find vitally important the partner’s sexual attraction, the ability to take care of the family and common interests.
Women more often complain about personal relationships, while men usually respond by saying: “Everything is all right.” Women prefer to clear up misunderstandings, while men prefer to avoid that.
Difference between genders 7: Who is happier?
Psychologist Rubenstein, one of the well-known researchers of love, surveyed men and women aged between 13 and 60. The results of the research are interesting since women aged between 27 and 29 believe they are happier in love than men, and the reason for it is the more negative view of men on love because they usually get married at that age. Marriage makes women very happy, but they change the opinion after several years when they realize what they have gotten themselves into. Men experience marriage as a loss of freedom and a great responsibility in the beginning, but later they realize marriage is actually something good and they begin enjoying all the benefits offered to them.
Taking into consideration all the above differences between men and women, you will definitely find answers to burning and disturbing questions that will help you explain the behavior of your partner and improve or even retain the relationship.
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The relationship between men and women also dictates the relationship towards lesbians.
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